The loneliness of cake making

This is a topic that has been highlighted before by many other people in the industry and I’m just here to add my experiences with this particular topic and share some of my stories. This feeling of “loneliness” does not diminish the happiness we get from producing cakes, nor does it mean we are negative about the privilege we are given to be able to do what we do. Let’s face it, this is an AWESOME job! But there are not always positives, the loneliness portion for me means having to sit up till early hours of the morning in a room alone making sugar flowers, crying over split ganache, dancing on my own in my cake room to “Heartbreaker”  by Mariah Carey and getting emotional over the “Les Miserables” soundtrack (Don’t judge me!).

As you can see, the feeling of loneliness is difficult to deal with, because as humans we are interdependent creatures who can often have conflicting emotions. One minute we want to be around people and the next we want to be alone. As I like to put it simply, i hate to feel lonely but I want to be alone. Complicated beings we are, but that’s just human nature! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete isolation freak who hates human interaction… or am I, I’ll let those closest to me figure this one out 😉

For me, cakes are an escape from the real world, although it is the real world and this is my reality, it gives me a sense of escape because I can immerse myself into a creative field and allow my hands to move in ways that make beautiful things. It gives me purpose and makes me feel beautiful every day. Not in a physical sense but an emotional sense. To see people happy and love their cakes gives me a sense of pure joy. To think I had something to do with their happiness is something I think is reason enough to continue. When I’m in my cake room I feel like no one can hurt me, judge me and I can be myself without having to explain. In a world like todays it’s hard to feel this way.

Although the loneliness often sets in and you sit there and often think about how much it hurts, you often think about your family in their beds sleeping, that dinner you had to skip because you had cakes to make, or that lonely Friday night when you could have been with your loved ones but instead you’re alone in the kitchen again. Yes, it hurts. But is it worth it? YES. To me it’s worth it, not because we love our loved ones any less or because we choose cakes over them but for all the reasons I listed above. Although this isn’t a job that can aid in world hunger, take away poverty and cure cancer it is a simple happiness that you can provide. It is something that can make a memorable childhood memory, a simple pleasure in a world full of misery. A simple happiness you can give to yourself.

It may seem like a silly dream to people reading this but it is my dream. As kids, we grow up wanting to be a million different things, but when the day comes where we get to choose, we don’t always get to choose something that truly makes us happy. Sure, I have other outlets I’m interested in, I am not restricted to just this but it is something that has made me who I am today. In many ways, it saved me from myself. Gave me a purpose, helped me become happy again.

So for me, the loneliness is worth it. It made me appreciate my own company and enjoy it. I got to know what I was made of and how far I can push myself. If you’re like me and you feel lonely sometimes while you’re caking or working on a big essay for uni and you just feel like you may be feeling “FOMO” (fear of missing out) or maybe you are just feeling alone in general. Stop. Don’t disregard your feelings but understand them. Know that it is ok to feel this way and that you’re never truly alone.

Ps does anyone else just sit there and stare at their cakes after they’re finished even if its freezing cold and you are tired as hell? Yeah me too! This was one of those cakes, and this is why it’s worth it.

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This is a cake i could not stop staring at, it was made for a dear, lifelong friend Linda from Pretty Little Desserts. Congratulations on your engagement. I am truly blessed to have made this for you.

 

As always, love Nelle xox

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